5 MYTHS ABOUT GRIEF
MYTH #1 - Grief happens in specific steps and stages
The concept of grief as a series of fixed stages—Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance—was popularized by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying. While this model has deeply influenced how we think about grief, it doesn’t capture the full reality. Grief is far more unpredictable and fluid. People often try to fit their experiences into these stages, only to find that grief doesn’t follow a neat path. Instead, it’s a complex and chaotic process that varies widely from person to person. Don’t be discouraged if your grief doesn’t align with these stages or if you find yourself revisiting emotions you thought you’d already moved past.
MYTH #2 - Grief is only for when someone dies
Many people believe that grief is only associated with death, but in reality, grief can arise from various types of loss. It can come from losing a job, a skill or ability, a relationship, a home, or even a cherished faith community. Other sources of grief include divorce, illness, retirement, theft, academic failures, or significant life changes. Grief isn’t confined to death; it can emerge from any significant loss, reflecting the deep emotional impact of change and upheaval in our lives.
MYTH #3 - You “get over” your grief
Grief isn’t something you simply “get over.” I remember someone telling me, “You should be over that now,” shortly after the death of a family member. This comment felt dismissive and didn’t reflect my true experience of grief. Many people expect others to move on quickly, but grief doesn’t follow a set timeline. It’s an ongoing process, and feelings of loss can resurface at any time due to memories, triggers, or significant moments. Rather than disappearing, grief becomes a part of our lives, and we learn to move forward while carrying it. Your grief and loss remain a part of you, and it’s normal to continue processing and feeling them even as you move forward with life.
MYTH #4 - Everyone grieves the same way
Just as every snowflake is different, our grief experiences are highly individualized as well. There is no single “right” way to grieve—what works for one person might not work for another. Some may find comfort in talking with friends, therapists, or coaches, while others might prefer joining a support group or engaging in a hobby that brings joy. Some might turn to religious or spiritual practices, and others might need solitude and tears. Many people find solace in a combination of these approaches. All these methods are valid and can be helpful in navigating grief, as long as they support your well-being and don’t cause harm.
MYTH #5 - Some losses are bigger than other losses
It’s common for people to compare losses, thinking one is more significant than another, or to compete over whose loss is greater. However, every loss is valid in its own right. As mentioned in Myth 4, everyone experiences and processes grief differently, and each person's feelings about a loss are unique. Additionally, a new loss might be deeply affected by previous losses in ways we may not fully understand. Comparing losses or measuring their significance can hinder the healing process. Instead, it’s more constructive to acknowledge and honor each person’s grief journey without making comparisons.